Johnny Hall memoirs

  • Yesterday I spent several minutes

    04
    Feb

    Yesterday I spent several minutes wondering what the collective noun for fettuccine was. Then I realised it was just fettuccine.

  • When I have a nightmare

    27
    Jan

    When I have a nightmare you hold my hand until I’m no longer restless.

  • I sat alone in a bar

    23
    Jan

    I sat alone in a bar at a leaving party, staring at a blank wall. I suddenly wondered if I'd been cross eyed my entire life and if people had just been manipulating photos of me to make me feel better.

  • "HAPPY FEET was shite"

    22
    Jan

    "HAPPY FEET was shite, Nicolai, and I don't think I can bring myself to buy you the book."

  • You're making me swear and be sassy

    15
    Jan

    "You're making me swear and be sassy. I fucking adore you."

  • Due to lack of energy

    14
    Jan

    Due to lack of energy, I've decided to go vegan for a week. 'Why not just go vegetarian?' you ask? Cheese. I eat too much of it and it's too accessible.

  • You are my constant

    24
    Nov

    You are my constant and my only home and I'm so glad I met you.

  • So many people love you

    29
    Oct

    So many people love you. But I don't. Not quite yet, you old floozy.

  • Dear Bob and Nancy

    07
    Jul

    Dear Bob and Nancy.

  • I spent the last 11 hours

    14
    Jun

    I spent the last 11 hours trying to work out how to rephrase 'I hope you're okay'. No such luck.

  • I thought you'd died

    27
    Apr

    I thought you'd died so I planned your funeral. You probably thought I was an idiot for doing so. It turned out you were fine.

  • We drank tequila

    14
    Mar

    We drank tequila and shared stories. It was lovely. Really, really lovely.

  • On an otherwise normal day

    10
    Mar

    On an otherwise normal day, two angry women decided to make each other bleed at an intersection.

  • Let me just clean up this blood

    27
    Feb

    "Let me just clean up this blood, then I'll be ready to go," she said.

  • At 12:51PM

    26
    Feb

    At 12:51PM I should have been in town signing a life insurance policy.

  • As we sat in traffic

    25
    Feb

    As we sat in traffic, we talked about how weird it was to compare real life to the movies.

  • We are not useless

    25
    Feb

    We are not useless.

  • An old woman from across the street

    24
    Feb

    An old woman from across the street walked into your house with a bottle of gin.

  • Those 3 seconds

    24
    Feb

    Those 3 seconds were the worst of my life.

  • I'm really sorry

    24
    Feb

    I'm really sorry I didn't fight for you.

  • You were killed in the disaster

    24
    Feb

    You were killed in the disaster.

  • A husband and wife

    24
    Feb

    A husband and wife lay together.

  • One day I'll sit down

    24
    Feb

    One day I'll sit down and cry my eyes out over all of this.

  • The old man raised his cane

    15
    Feb

    The old man raised his cane with a wink and a smile.

  • "So you're getting the bus from where?"

    08
    Feb

    "So you're getting the bus from where?" he asked.

  • We got married on Saturday

    27
    Jan

    We got married on Saturday, and I completely forgot to tell the internet how much I love you.

  • I checked my look in the mirror

    13
    Jan

    I checked my look in the mirror.

  • I don't want to be young any more

    12
    Jan

    I don't want to be young any more.

  • I've once again packed my suitcase

    11
    Jan

    I've once again packed my suitcase and washed a stranger's bed sheets.

  • After making fun of you

    27
    Dec

    After making fun of you for being clumsy, you punched me in the balls in front of three little old women.

  • Your uncle

    24
    Dec

    Your uncle approached me with a smile. "Give us a kiss!" he said.

  • This morning, I nearly drowned in the ocean

    18
    Dec

    This morning, I nearly drowned in the ocean. I became exhausted, tasted salt water, and panicked.

  • She awoke suddenly

    01
    Dec

    She awoke suddenly and poked her head around the corner.

  • The single most inspiring moment of my life

    24
    Nov

    The single most inspiring moment of my life is this: I was about a block away from my bus stop when the bus drove right past me. I hung my head in shame and tried to remember when the next bus would be.

  • I Asked My Girlfriend To Marry Me

    11
    Aug

    And she said 'yes'.

  • Kyle and I were walking

    02
    Apr

    Kyle and I were walking past the The Greater Columbus Convention Center. It was 4AM and we'd just been eating Late Night Slice. We were reasonably merry, it's safe to say.

  • We spent the last 4 days in Tennessee

    29
    Mar

    We spent the last 4 days in Tennessee. As we were leaving our mountainside cabin, our TomTom GPS turned sinister.

  • ...oirs have mysteriously disappeared

    23
    Mar

    ...oirs have mysteriously disappeared in a manner that cannot be explained by human error, piracy, equipment failure, or natural disasters.

  • She

    22
    Mar

    She: Well I think Obama's a terrorist. He: Why do you think Obama's a terrorist?

  • My friend graduated

    21
    Mar

    My friend graduated from college today. As the 4 hour ceremony dragged on, I learned a few things.

  • In December of 2009

    19
    Mar

    In December of 2009, our landlord was accused of evading income taxes.

  • Last night

    18
    Mar

    Last night I went to pick up tickets for A Single Man. "I'm sorry", the attendant said, "We stopped playing that yesterday". The movie title suddenly became quite prophetic.

  • 11:37AM

    17
    Mar

    11:37AM - To everyone's surprise, I woke up this morning.

  • Abby and I walked into Press Grill

    16
    Mar

    Abby and I walked into Press Grill at three minutes to midnight. I drank brandy, she red wine.

  • We have a clause

    15
    Mar

    We have a clause in our tenancy agreement that stipulates that if our landlord wants to show people around our apartment, without warning, he can.

  • At some point during the night

    14
    Mar

    At some point during the night there was a car crash right outside of my window.

  • Just a small town girl

    13
    Mar

    Just a small town girl/Livin' in a lonely world/She took the midnight train goin' anywhere.

  • We'd been waiting

    12
    Mar

    We'd been waiting to play some pool all night but a group of frat boys had claimed their stake early. After about an hour of waiting, we decided it was time to challenge them to a friendly game of doubles.

  • At that moment

    11
    Mar

    At that moment I was overly protective of my colouring in pens. They were new and shiny and had a bright future in doodling; there was no way I was letting anyone else touch them.

  • As two men bickered

    10
    Mar

    As two men bickered about homosexuality, an OSU janitor shot and killed his supervisor before killing himself.

  • He screams it like a ghost

    09
    Mar

    He screams it like a ghost in an old-time dream sequence, "Nobody loves you! Nobody loves you! Nobody loves you."

  • He: Did you wet your pants?

    08
    Mar

    He: Did you wet your pants? She: I was doing the dishes.

  • I bought you flowers for your birthday

    06
    Mar

    I bought you flowers for your birthday. "No, you didn't." Was I dreaming? "Yes."

  • They call him The Duke

    05
    Mar

    They call him The Duke; a charming homeless man with a taste for the finer things in Columbus.

  • It was April 2008

    04
    Mar

    It was April 2008. While walking down a hill in a shirt and tie, I took a misstep and put my back out so badly that my torso no longer lined up with my hips. Some called it karma. I'd have to agree with them.

  • Today a fire truck

    03
    Mar

    Today a fire truck parked in front of my building with sirens blaring. Concerned that my apartment block was on fire, I ran outside with my neighbour, Kelly.

  • My friend Chris

    02
    Mar

    My friend Chris bartends at Columbus Airport. Last night, he made a new friend.

  • Indiana Jones

    01
    Mar

    Indiana Jones will always remind me of passion fruit Mirinda.

  • There was a tsunami warning

    28
    Feb

    There was a tsunami warning in my hometown, but instead of heading for higher ground, people headed to the beach.

  • Today as I constructed a fabulous dessert

    27
    Feb

    Today as I constructed a fabulous dessert in the baking aisle of my local Giant Eagle, I overheard a heated discussion about muffin tins.

  • As with all my moviegoing experiences

    26
    Feb

    As with all my moviegoing experiences, I always end up with a talker. This time, I had two.

  • It was a typically atmospheric evening

    25
    Feb

    It was a typically atmospheric evening as we sauntered through the rain. Elephant Love Medley was our theme music and mantra. You smoked a cigarette – as you often do – and we spoke of causality. We were drunk and charming and free, but mostly just drunk.

  • Today as I sat in the Laundromat

    24
    Feb

    Today as I sat in the Laundromat, an older gentleman walked past and gave me a knowing nod. Instinctively, I nodded back.

  • Today it was 1° Celcius

    23
    Feb

    Today it was 1° Celcius in Columbus; a little warmer than usual but still cold.

  • Earlier in the day

    16
    Nov

    Earlier in the day, a homeless man had called me an 'asshole' for not wanting to buy one of his newspapers. This was to be my penance.

  • On Sunday

    04
    Nov

    On Sunday I walked to a tailor for a fitting. On the way, I past a man, hiding in a bush, preaching at the top of his lungs.

  • On the way to The Book Loft

    05
    Oct

    On the way to The Book Loft, they were stopped by a friendly poet. He asked them if they were in love to which they replied, “Yes.”

  • It happened at 4 AM

    03
    Oct

    It happened at 4 AM. She screamed and fell into the hallway.

  • They lay together in a storm

    27
    Sep

    They lay together in a storm. "Where's the thunder and lightning?" she asked.

  • On the red-eye

    21
    Sep

    On the red-eye to Detroit we flew over an electrical storm. Sheet lightning danced for an hour as the tired passengers around me slept.

  • I don’t think I’ll come to the party

    20
    Sep

    “I don’t think I’ll come to the party,” I said to Andrew, “I’m feeling pretty tired.” In truth, I really just wanted to watch Howl’s Moving Castle. Andrew left for the party soon after. I turned out the lights, walked upstairs, and undressed.

The Tweeters

I wonder how many old people fall asleep during moments of silence?
5 hours ago from web

Last.FM

Currently, I'm relaxing in an unbuttoned shirt and listening to Bon Iver – Calgary